Saturday, 30 January 2016

Hindi Adult Jokes

Wife To Husband: Agr Dunya Sirf 30 Minutes Me Khatam Ho Rahi Ho
Tou Tum KIa Karna Chahoge..... ??

Husband: Offcourse "SEX"....!!!

Wife: Aur Baqi 29 Minutes..... .... ??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Santa comes bleeding. Banta: What happened?
Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.
Banta: Didn't u hv anything in ur hands?
Santa: I had.
Banta: What?
Santa: His wife's boobs!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lecturer in a medical college class: Man's semen contains glucose.

One of the female students had doubt and she asks: Then why it
doesn't taste sweet?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Thought for the happy life: Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati
ko kya karna chahiye?

Zyada kuchh nahi... do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Newly Married Couple Seeking Divorce...
Judge asks Lady "Why do you want divorce?"
Lady: Despite Knowin That I'm Vegetarian, He Forces Ne To Put Meat In My Mouth!!" ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What do woman usually say after Sex?

I Luv U?
Wrong!

That was great?
Wrong again!

I Luv it?
Aray Nahi Yaar....

Sahi Jawab Hai: Suno Meri BRA PANTY Kaha Rakhi Hai......... . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----





What is the height of poverty?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
When a girl is ready to get fucked for only 2 rupees....
and you have only 1 rupee!!!! ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Beta: Mummy Tum Roz Papa Pe Eharh ke Jump Kyu Marti Ho?

Mummy: PAPA Ke Pait Ki Hawa Nikalne K Liye

Beta: Kia Faida Baraber Wali Aunty Muun Se Phir Hawa Bhar Deti
Hai..... ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Sardar: Gand Main Dard Hay
DR: Main Hath Dalta Hon Batana Kaha Hain
Sardar: Andar Aur Andar, Aor Andar , Han Yahain
Dr : Dhosri K Tera To Gala Kharab Hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

If you want Suck the nipple of girl ,she always say why yours mother
and sister r not living in ur home .u say yes but there is not child

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Life Without fun , Sky Without Sun , Ten without One , warrior
Without Gun , Batsman without run, Is all Like a Man without LuN .

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Advantages of breast milk?

A) No need to boil.
B) Cat can't steal it.
C) Available in attractive containers.
D) Popular in all age groups.
E) Ek Pee Ek Free

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----



Gabar se ronay ki wajah poochi.....usne kaha MAA ne danta hai....
MAA se poocha tau kehti hai.... MUJH SE POOCTA HAI KITNAY AADMI
THAY..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----



A 50 years old man during fucking an old woman of 90,starts suckung
her breasts,after 10 min the man got died,police came and make
postmartum report,in report it was written that the milk was
xpired.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A bio teacher was telling her students that for the best
penetrations 6-7" PENIS IS best.ONE OF THE GIRL ASKD HER tht wht abt
9" .teacher said i m telling abt NECESSITY not LUXURY

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Man marries a deaf gal.he mimes,lets make a code! if i want sex i'll
squeeze ur breast,in responce u can pull my penis once for YES and
50 times for NO. ;)

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

ladki boli 200 loongi,HIL HIL k maza du gi...ladka bola 100 doonga
HIL mein khud lu ga..ladki boli to phir ye 100 bhi bacha le aur hath
se HILA le

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A LADY GOES TO POLICE STATION AND LODGES A COMPLAINT:INSPECTOR
SAHAB:AIK NAY MAIRAY BOOBS DABAYE.AIK NAY MAIRI GAAND MARI.AIK NAY
MUJHAY CHODA.AIK NAY MUJHAY CHOOMA.

INSPECTOR:BAS KAR.F.I.R LIKHWA RAHI HAI YA LUN KHARA KAR RAHI HAI!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Girl visit for a urione test. By mistake her reports change.

Dr says her. U r pregnent.

Girls reply. Oh God Ab tu ungali ka b Barosa nahi raha

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

what PEPSI stands for
P=please
E=enter
P=penis
S=slowly
I=inside
hahahah
yeh dil magay more

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Women top 7 lies:
1: I love you
2: I am virgin
3: I hate sex
4: You are the first one touching me
5: Oh its too big? How wld it go inside?
6: I hate sucking
7: Alright - but u wld do it only once!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2 girls returning 4m movie,
1st: Mera purse chori ho gaya.
2nd: Per tu to bra mein rakhti thi.
1st: Mujhe kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka, Yeh waqt hai baccha hone ka.
Uss waqt kyon nahin royee thi, Jab chipak ke soyee thi.
Ab jo kiya hai woh bharo, Tab to kehti thi aur karo, aur
karo........

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Arz kiya hai.. College se nikalte hi kitab sine se laga leti ho!
Hum kya mar gaye jo khud hi dabaa leti ho!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

8 boy caught in RAPE case. lady lawyer holds his penis & says; kya
yeh bacha rape kar saktah hai?
Boy says silently: hila mat werna case haar jai GEE

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Janeman mujhe mar dalo ..
zara meri pant ki jaab mai haath dalo...
lamba lage to kaat dalo......
mota laaga tu chaat daloo....
acha laga tu apni gand main dalo...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A man phoned and asked,'221714' ?
Lady: Pls urdu mein bolo,
Man: Do- Do-Ek-Sath-Choda ?
Lady: "Nahein sir, ghalt kaha! yeah Teen-Teen-Ek- Sath-Choda hai"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----




Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I
can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis,
I will have it enlarged.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lady to man: why you always keep condom & taveez together in your
wallet. Man: bhoot aur choot ka koi pata nahi kabhi bhi mil jaye.



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

larka;dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...teri bahon mein
jhull jaoonn....teri anchal mein soo jaoonnn

larki;tou neechey kia muhaley wale ghuseinge

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Source :  Adult Jokes

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Non Veg. Adult Jokes Part - 1

Chahta Hoon Tujhe Pyar Doon
Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Waar Doon
Par Jab Tera koi REPLY Nahi Milta To
Dil Kerta Hy Teri G@ND Pe Goli Maar Doo......... ......... ........

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Father & son went to medical store Father buys pack of condoms

Son: Whats this?

Father: Its medicine for killing rats

Son: O bhenchod!

Ch00t mein bhi choohe..!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Manmohan America gaye..>>BUSH se bole,raat ko maal bhejo..! >>Bush:16 saal ki ya 20 ki..?Manmohan: 65 ki bhejo,hum America ki beti nahi maa ch0dne aye hain..!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Husband: Tum meri kis cheez se sabse zyada impress ho..?
Life Style,.
Car,.
Bank Balance.?
Biwi: Tumhare Sexx se..,tumhara jaisa Sexx mohalle me kisi ko nahi aata..!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Ye ladkiya b kitni chalaak hoti he,apna 16 rupye litre wala DUDH ka lalach dekar hamara 180 rupye kilo wala GHEE nikal leti hai..!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

16 sundria Swiming pool me naha rahi thi, achanak . . Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya ! Pucho kyun ? Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal"Gilepan ki chhutti..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Girl to boyfrnd-Dear, do u know apki lulli duniya ki sabse badi lulli hai??
boy-Achcha,
Girl-kyun ki,iske baad lund ki catagari hoti hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

newly married husbnd to wife at his in-laws home- chalo darlin aaj sex karte hai....!!!

wife- nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai...!!

husbnd- to kya mere hi baap ne randi khana khol rakha hai????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

ghalib na fermaya : koi saheli na mili to na sahi , tere jesa dost tu mil gaya

WAH WAH

chalo choot na mili tu na sahi .. tere jesa chootiya tu mil gaya

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Aftr marriage couple in bed
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She:0h!dat feels gud.
hand moves 2 her breast.
She:Honey,dats wonderful.
hand moves 2 her leg.
She:0h honey dnt stop.
He stops.
She:Why did u stop?
He: Coz I found d remote!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Ultimate thought:

Failure is not when ur girlfrand leaves u,
its only when u leave her..

.....virgin

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

On first night
Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai!
Husband slaped his wife and said
kya mere lund par aata laga hai
jo tera upwas toot jayega

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Kisi condom company ne world-cup ko sponser kiya hota to uski advt me aise likh
te....
Cover your STUMP.
Before you PUMP

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Responses during sex_
a) GIRLFRIEND - Wow darling, this is gr8...
b) PROSTITUTE - Come on.. finish it now..
c) WIFE - I think d ceiling needs painting....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Source : Adult Jokes


Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Best Adult Jokes

Judge hearing a divorce case
Judge to husband: why you want to divorce your wife?
hus: im not satisfied with her on bed
judge to wife: wat u have to say about this??
wife: whole colony is satisfied only this bastard has got problems.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Nangi ladki 20 Floor se giri.
18 floor par 1 aadmi ne catch kiya, bola 'Chusegi' ???
Ladki shareef thi, manaa kar diya.
Aadmi ne usska hath chodd diya,

Iss barr 16 floor pe 1 aadmi ne catch kiya And bola 'Chudegi' ?
Ladki : No.
Usne bhi uska hath chodd diya
Ladki girne lagi, Gaand fati maut ke darr se, socha=-?kash unki baat man leti.
12 floor pe 1 aadmi ne phir catch kiya.
Ladki - Mein Chusungi bhi Chudungi bhi.
(Iss baar aadmi Shareef nikla ) Aadmi - Chal randi saali , Jaa, marr...
.
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS ONCE ONLY, SOMETIMES TWICE BUT NEVER THEREAFTER..

Saala tum logon ko achaa inspirational msg bhi samjhaane ke liye Sexy tareeke se bhejna paddta hai...????
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Modern Man's Thinking :-
..
..
"My Heart Will Always Belong To Just One Woman..

But, I Have My Sperm For The Rest...!!!"???
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
santa ke upar adalat mein ek case chal raha tha...

Judge : tumne lady police officer ko apna hathiyar kyu pakdaya?

Santa rote huye : Judge sahab meri koyi galti nahi hai, ye mere ko boli kaam karvana hai to pehele mutthi garam karo, so maine kardi....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ek Dukhi Boss ? ki Kahani:

Kal mera Birthday ? tha
Meri BiVi Bachcho ne mujhe wish nhi
kia ?

Mai office gaya kisi ne wish nhi kia,?

Mai apne cabin mei gaya Meri
Secretary ? Romantic style mei boli
"Happy Birthday" sweet Boss.

Mujhe boht achcha lga
Phir usne mujhe apne Flat Pr bulaya
aur kaha ki aaj mai apko boht khush
karne wali hun?

She said:
Mai 2 minutes me Bedroom se aati hun
tb tk aap excitment ki tyari kr le?
Kuch deir baad wo 1 boht bade Cake
ke sath bahar aayi
Us ke peche meri BV ??, Bachche ??, maa ?
baap ? aur pura staff ????tha
.
.
.
Aur mai us Behn Chod
ke intezar me Sofay per Nanga Leta
condom chada rha tha . .....?????????????
******************************************************************

Source : Adult Jokes