April Fool
The judge looked at the old woman
and said, “Before I pass sentence, do you have anything to say in your
defence?”
The old woman got to her feet and
replied, “Yes, Your Honour. The evening that it happened, I was sitting quietly
on my porch when this beautiful young man came up to me and started to kiss my
hand. Then he kissed my face and began rubbing himself up against me. He put
his hands underneath my blouse and fondled my breasts. It was so wonderful, I
opened my legs, Your Honour, and asked him to go all the way.”
The old woman shook her head sadly
as she remembered that evening. She continued, “That’s when he laughed and said
April Fool! So I picked up my rifle and shot him.”
___________________________________________
Rusty Weapon
“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,”
said the anxious man. “Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just
been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?”
“Not necessarily,” replied the
doctor. “How many times do you have sex?”
“About 5 times a year.”
“Well, there’s your answer then,
you’re just a little rusty.”
___________________________________________
Superman
“Will the defendant please rise,”
said the judge. “Madam, you have been found guilty of killing your husband by
pushing him off a 10-storey balcony. Before I pass sentence, is there anything
you would like to say?”
“Yes, Your Honour,” said the
84-year-old woman.
“When I came home and found my husband
in bed with another woman I guessed that if he could make love aged 96 years
old, he could also fly.”
___________________________________________
Faith
The couple had been out on their
first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled
with her clothes, she said,
“You know I’m not that sort of girl
really.”
“I know,” he replied, somewhat
distracted. The girl burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” he asked looking
alarmed.
“You… You’re the first one,” she
sobbed.
“What? The first one to make love
to you?”
“No, the first one to believe I’m
not that kind of girl,” she replied.
___________________________________________
Faith
The couple had been out on their
first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled
with her clothes, she said,
“You know I’m not that sort of girl
really.”
“I know,” he replied, somewhat
distracted. The girl burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” he asked looking
alarmed.
“You… You’re the first one,” she
sobbed.
“What? The first one to make love
to you?”
“No, the first one to believe I’m
not that kind of girl,” she replied.
___________________________________________
Promise
A young couple were parked in
Lovers Lane and after a bout of heavy petting, the boy whispered urgently.
“Go on Cath, let me put it in.”
“Oh no”, she replied, “We said we’d
wait until we were married.”
“Well just a little” he gasped “let
me just put the head in to see what it’s like.”
She finally agreed but as soon as
he began, he got carried away and thrust as far as he could go, in and out
frantically.
“Oh George!” exclaimed the girl, “I
can’t wait, I can’t wait, put it all in, please!”
George thought quickly and replied,
“Oh no Cath, we can’t, remember our promise...”
Source : Adult Jokes