Adult Jokes Club

Getting Back ?

The courting couple were looking for somewhere private but the gates of the park had been locked for the night.

“Never mind,” said the boy, “if you stand on this (showing her his erect John Thomas) you’ll be able to get over the wall.”

“That may be so,” she replied, “but how will I get back?”

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Crickets

The man parked the car in Lovers’ Lane and for a few moments the young couple just sat and listened to the countryside noises.

“Oh it’s lovely here,” enthused the girl. “I think I can even hear the crickets.”

“That’s not a cricket,” replied the man, “that’s a zip.”

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VD or TB ?

A man met a beautiful girl in the pub and couldn’t believe his luck when she invited him back to her place. Very soon, they were upstairs, stripping off but just as he was about to throw himself at her she suddenly stopped and said,

“Oh, I should have told you, I went to the doctors today and he told me I had either VD or TB, but I can’t remember which.”

Even this news couldn’t dampen the man’s ardour. He rang up the girl’s doctor straight away.

“I’m sorry,” said the doctor. “I had two girls in today so I can’t remember.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed the man, “what shall I do?”

“Well chase her around the room a few times and if she starts to cough then go ahead and make love” came the reply.

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Condolences

A widow of only a few months goes out on her first date since the death of her husband. They have a great evening but when he makes a move, she holds him back saying, “I can’t. I’m wearing black knickers because I’m still in mourning for my husband.”

They continue to date, although it never goes past a goodnight kiss at the end of the evening.

Then a few weeks later in the middle of a passionate embrace, he gets out a packet of black condoms.

“What are those for?” she asks.

“I’d like to give you my condolences!” he replies.

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Alone

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned,” said the man in the confessional.

“What is it, my son?” came the reply.

“Well, last week I went round to my girlfriend’s flat but she wasn’t in. The only person there was her flat mate and we ended up having sex.”

“Oh dear,” replied the priest.

“And then a couple of days later, I popped round to my mate’s house but he’d gone down the pub. The only person there was his wife and we ended up having sex.”

“Oh dear,” remarked the priest again.

The man continued “So then last night, I went into the local pub and it was empty. Everyone had gone to watch the darts team playing away. There was only Mandy serving behind the bar so we ended up having sex. What shall I do?”

But there was no answer from the other side of the screen.

“Father, are you there?” demanded the man. No answer came, so he began looking for the priest and eventually found him hiding in the pews.

“What are you doing there?” he exclaimed.

“Well, I suddenly realised that you and I were alone together,” replied the priest.

Source : Adult Jokes