Monday, 7 March 2016
Friday, 4 March 2016
Adult Jokes - SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS CAMPING WITH DR. WATSON…
Sherlock Holmes was camping with Dr. Watson…
…and Mr. Holmes turned to his assistant: Tell me, Watson,
what do you see?
Watson was puzzled by the remark, but he looked up and said,
“Stars. Millions and millions of them.”
Holmes responded: “I agree. And Dr. Watson, certainly you
have picked up on many of my techniques of deduction. Can you deduce something
from what you see here?”
Dr. Watson looked at Mr. Holmes and said, “Well, I’m not as
good as you are, by any stretch, but why not. I deduce that from these millions
of stars, there must be at least one planet not unlike ours which supports
intelligent life. I deduce that the universe is vast beyond measure, and that
all of humanity is naught but a speck in the grandness of the cosmos. I deduce
that someday mankind will explore these uncharted realms and be basked in the
greatness of the universe.”
Mr. Holmes nods through all of this. “Anything else you can
deduce?”
Watson is a little taken aback, and responds “Is there
something that comes to mind for you?”
Holmes turns to his assistant, looks him dead in the eye,
and states: “Watson you dunderhead; someone stole our tent.”
Source : Adult Jokes
Thursday, 25 February 2016
Adult Jokes – Jokes Club
April Fool
The judge looked at the old woman
and said, “Before I pass sentence, do you have anything to say in your
defence?”
The old woman got to her feet and
replied, “Yes, Your Honour. The evening that it happened, I was sitting quietly
on my porch when this beautiful young man came up to me and started to kiss my
hand. Then he kissed my face and began rubbing himself up against me. He put
his hands underneath my blouse and fondled my breasts. It was so wonderful, I
opened my legs, Your Honour, and asked him to go all the way.”
The old woman shook her head sadly
as she remembered that evening. She continued, “That’s when he laughed and said
April Fool! So I picked up my rifle and shot him.”
___________________________________________
Rusty Weapon
“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,”
said the anxious man. “Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just
been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?”
“Not necessarily,” replied the
doctor. “How many times do you have sex?”
“About 5 times a year.”
“Well, there’s your answer then,
you’re just a little rusty.”
___________________________________________
Superman
“Will the defendant please rise,”
said the judge. “Madam, you have been found guilty of killing your husband by
pushing him off a 10-storey balcony. Before I pass sentence, is there anything
you would like to say?”
“Yes, Your Honour,” said the
84-year-old woman.
“When I came home and found my husband
in bed with another woman I guessed that if he could make love aged 96 years
old, he could also fly.”
___________________________________________
Faith
The couple had been out on their
first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled
with her clothes, she said,
“You know I’m not that sort of girl
really.”
“I know,” he replied, somewhat
distracted. The girl burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” he asked looking
alarmed.
“You… You’re the first one,” she
sobbed.
“What? The first one to make love
to you?”
“No, the first one to believe I’m
not that kind of girl,” she replied.
___________________________________________
Faith
The couple had been out on their
first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled
with her clothes, she said,
“You know I’m not that sort of girl
really.”
“I know,” he replied, somewhat
distracted. The girl burst into tears.
“What’s wrong?” he asked looking
alarmed.
“You… You’re the first one,” she
sobbed.
“What? The first one to make love
to you?”
“No, the first one to believe I’m
not that kind of girl,” she replied.
___________________________________________
Promise
A young couple were parked in
Lovers Lane and after a bout of heavy petting, the boy whispered urgently.
“Go on Cath, let me put it in.”
“Oh no”, she replied, “We said we’d
wait until we were married.”
“Well just a little” he gasped “let
me just put the head in to see what it’s like.”
She finally agreed but as soon as
he began, he got carried away and thrust as far as he could go, in and out
frantically.
“Oh George!” exclaimed the girl, “I
can’t wait, I can’t wait, put it all in, please!”
George thought quickly and replied,
“Oh no Cath, we can’t, remember our promise...”
Source : Adult JokesTuesday, 23 February 2016
Monday, 15 February 2016
NAUGHTY SMS
Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.
_____________________________________________
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you
can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)
_____________________________________________
Hair oil ki ad mein hair dikhate hain, Skin cream ki ad mein
Skin, Toothpaste me Teeth, Footwears me Feet, par WHISPER ki ad mein kuch nahi
dikhate????
Jaago Grahak Jaago!
_____________________________________________
A notice in a factory for girl workers.
"If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines
at work.. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work"
_____________________________________________
Press down.
down more
deeper
more
YES
ahh
ohh
yes
Almost there!
ooh baby
faster
harder
FEEL GOOD?
mmmm
THAT'S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE
_____________________________________________
( ')
/ / in love !
/ /
( ) )
, ( ') engaged
/ , '
( ) )
married
, - - .
( ) )'(, )
_____________________________________________
Please
( ) press down!
( ) )
( ')
/ /
( ) ) oh yeah !!!
( ')'.:,".;.
/ / ';".',,'
/ / ooohhh
( ) ) baby ur good!
_____________________________________________
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your
nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!
_____________________________________________
A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked
woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he
answered - waiting for autumn.
Source : Adult Jokes
Thursday, 11 February 2016
GREAT COLLECTION OF SOME FUNNIEST ONE-LINER Adult JOKES
If I’m being
subjective, I’d say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I’m
being completely objective…
I’d say it’s
Doctor Whom.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
Did you hear
about the crazy Mexican train thief?
He had loco
motives.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
An Irishman
walks out of a bar
I’m sure he
was just looking for the toilet.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
What do you
call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?
Coach.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
My doctor
asked if I drink to excess.
I told him
I’ll drink to anything.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
Damn girl,
did you fall from heaven?
Cause you’re
Satan.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
What do
spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you were
forced to have it as a kid, you’ll hate it as an adult.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
My wife
likes to talk to me after sex…
It’s great,
I’ve got a special ringtone set up and everything.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
There’s only
one problem with North Korea’s miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:
The
directions say the medication must be taken with food.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
What part of
New York has the most feminists?
Manhatin’
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
Why was
Helen Keller a terrible driver?
Because she
was a woman.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
I was reading
in the paper today…
About this
dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
Whats the
difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on
a tricycle?
Attire.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
What did the
cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his
ass.
✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪
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