Adult Jokes

A bio teacher was telling her students that for the best
penetrations 6-7" PENIS IS best.ONE OF THE GIRL ASKD HER tht wht abt
9" .teacher said i m telling abt NECESSITY not LUXURY

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Man marries a deaf gal.he mimes,lets make a code! if i want sex i'll
squeeze ur breast,in responce u can pull my penis once for YES and
50 times for NO. ;)

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

ladki boli 200 loongi,HIL HIL k maza du gi...ladka bola 100 doonga
HIL mein khud lu ga..ladki boli to phir ye 100 bhi bacha le aur hath
se HILA le

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A LADY GOES TO POLICE STATION AND LODGES A COMPLAINT:INSPECTOR
SAHAB:AIK NAY MAIRAY BOOBS DABAYE.AIK NAY MAIRI GAAND MARI.AIK NAY
MUJHAY CHODA.AIK NAY MUJHAY CHOOMA.
.
INSPECTOR:BAS KAR.F.I.R LIKHWA RAHI HAI YA LUN KHARA KAR RAHI HAI!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Girl visit for a urione test. By mistake her reports change.
.
Dr says her. U r pregnent.
.
Girls reply. Oh God Ab tu ungali ka b Barosa nahi raha

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

what PEPSI stands for
P=please
E=enter
P=penis
S=slowly
I=inside
hahahah
yeh dil magay more

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Women top 7 lies:
1: I love you
2: I am virgin
3: I hate sex
4: You are the first one touching me
5: Oh its too big? How wld it go inside?
6: I hate sucking
7: Alright - but u wld do it only once!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2 girls returning 4m movie,
1st: Mera purse chori ho gaya.
2nd: Per tu to bra mein rakhti thi.
1st: Mujhe kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka, Yeh waqt hai baccha hone ka.
Uss waqt kyon nahin royee thi, Jab chipak ke soyee thi.
Ab jo kiya hai woh bharo, Tab to kehti thi aur karo, aur
karo........

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Arz kiya hai.. College se nikalte hi kitab sine se laga leti ho!
Hum kya mar gaye jo khud hi dabaa leti ho!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

8 boy caught in RAPE case. lady lawyer holds his penis & says; kya
yeh bacha rape kar saktah hai?
Boy says silently: hila mat werna case haar jai GEE

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Janeman mujhe mar dalo ..
zara meri pant ki jaab mai haath dalo...
lamba lage to kaat dalo......
mota laaga tu chaat daloo....
acha laga tu apni gand main dalo...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A man phoned and asked,'221714' ?
Lady: Pls urdu mein bolo,
Man: Do- Do-Ek-Sath-Choda ?
Lady: "Nahein sir, ghalt kaha! yeah Teen-Teen-Ek- Sath-Choda hai"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I
can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis,
I will have it enlarged.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lady to man: why you always keep condom & taveez together in your
wallet. Man: bhoot aur choot ka koi pata nahi kabhi bhi mil jaye.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

larka;dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...teri bahon mein
jhull jaoonn....teri anchal mein soo jaoonnn

larki;tou neechey kia muhaley wale ghuseinge

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ------

Source: Adult Jokes

Adult Jokes

Wife To Husband: Agr Dunya Sirf 30 Minutes Me Khatam Ho Rahi Ho
Tou Tum KIa Karna Chahoge..... ??

Husband: Offcourse "SEX"....!!!

Wife: Aur Baqi 29 Minutes..... .... ??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Santa comes bleeding. Banta: What happened?
Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.
Banta: Didn't u hv anything in ur hands?
Santa: I had.
Banta: What?
Santa: His wife's boobs!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lecturer in a medical college class: Man's semen contains glucose.

One of the female students had doubt and she asks: Then why it
doesn't taste sweet?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Thought for the happy life: Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati
ko kya karna chahiye?

Zyada kuchh nahi... do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Newly Married Couple Seeking Divorce...
Judge asks Lady "Why do you want divorce?"
Lady: Despite Knowin That I'm Vegetarian, He Forces Ne To Put Meat In My Mouth!!" ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What do woman usually say after Sex?

I Luv U?
Wrong!

That was great?
Wrong again!

I Luv it?
Aray Nahi Yaar....

Sahi Jawab Hai: Suno Meri BRA PANTY Kaha Rakhi Hai......... . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What is the height of poverty?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
When a girl is ready to get fucked for only 2 rupees....
and you have only 1 rupee!!!! ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Beta: Mummy Tum Roz Papa Pe Eharh ke Jump Kyu Marti Ho?

Mummy: PAPA Ke Pait Ki Hawa Nikalne K Liye

Beta: Kia Faida Baraber Wali Aunty Muun Se Phir Hawa Bhar Deti
Hai..... ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Sardar: Gand Main Dard Hay
DR: Main Hath Dalta Hon Batana Kaha Hain
Sardar: Andar Aur Andar, Aor Andar , Han Yahain
Dr : Dhosri K Tera To Gala Kharab Hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

If you want Suck the nipple of girl ,she always say why yours mother
and sister r not living in ur home .u say yes but there is not child

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Life Without fun , Sky Without Sun , Ten without One , warrior
Without Gun , Batsman without run, Is all Like a Man without LuN .

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Advantages of breast milk?

A) No need to boil.
B) Cat can't steal it.
C) Available in attractive containers.
D) Popular in all age groups.
E) Ek Pee Ek Free

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Gabar se ronay ki wajah poochi.....usne kaha MAA ne danta hai....
MAA se poocha tau kehti hai.... MUJH SE POOCTA HAI KITNAY AADMI
THAY..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A 50 years old man during fucking an old woman of 90,starts suckung
her breasts,after 10 min the man got died,police came and make
postmartum report,in report it was written that the milk was
xpired.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Source:  Adult Jokes

Adult Jokes

A Girl visit for a urione test. By mistake her reports change.

Dr says her. U r pregnent.

Girls reply. Oh God Ab tu ungali ka b Barosa nahi raha

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

what PEPSI stands for

P=please

E=enter

P=penis

S=slowly

I=inside

hahahah

yeh dil magay more

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Women top 7 lies:

1: I love you

2: I am virgin

3: I hate sex

4: You are the first one touching me

5: Oh its too big? How wld it go inside?

6: I hate sucking

7: Alright - but u wld do it only once!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2 girls returning 4m movie,

1st: Mera purse chori ho gaya.

2nd: Per tu to bra mein rakhti thi.

1st: Mujhe kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka, Yeh waqt hai baccha hone ka.

Uss waqt kyon nahin royee thi, Jab chipak ke soyee thi.

Ab jo kiya hai woh bharo, Tab to kehti thi aur karo, aur

karo........

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Arz kiya hai.. College se nikalte hi kitab sine se laga leti ho!

Hum kya mar gaye jo khud hi dabaa leti ho!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

8 boy caught in RAPE case. lady lawyer holds his penis & says; kya

yeh bacha rape kar saktah hai?

Boy says silently: hila mat werna case haar jai GEE

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Janeman mujhe mar dalo ..

zara meri pant ki jaab mai haath dalo...

lamba lage to kaat dalo......

mota laaga tu chaat daloo....

acha laga tu apni gand main dalo...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A man phoned and asked,'221714' ?

Lady: Pls urdu mein bolo,

Man: Do- Do-Ek-Sath-Choda ?

Lady: "Nahein sir, ghalt kaha! yeah Teen-Teen-Ek- Sath-Choda hai"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I

can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis,

I will have it enlarged.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lady to man: why you always keep condom & taveez together in your

wallet. Man: bhoot aur choot ka koi pata nahi kabhi bhi mil jaye.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

larka;dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...teri bahon mein

jhull jaoonn....teri anchal mein soo jaoonnn

.

larki;tou neechey kia muhaley wale ghuseinge

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----------------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Source :- Adult Jokes

Non Veg. Jokes Part – Happie

Wife To Husband: Agr Dunya Sirf 30 Minutes Me Khatam Ho Rahi Ho

Tou Tum KIa Karna Chahoge..... ??

Husband: Offcourse "SEX"....!!!

Wife: Aur Baqi 29 Minutes..... .... ??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Santa comes bleeding. Banta: What happened?

Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.

Banta: Didn't u hv anything in ur hands?

Santa: I had.

Banta: What?

Santa: His wife's boobs!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lecturer in a medical college class: Man's semen contains glucose.

One of the female students had doubt and she asks: Then why it

doesn't taste sweet?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Thought for the happy life: Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati

ko kya karna chahiye?

Zyada kuchh nahi... do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Newly Married Couple Seeking Divorce...

Judge asks Lady "Why do you want divorce?"

Lady: Despite Knowin That I'm Vegetarian, He Forces Ne To Put Meat In My Mouth!!" ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What do woman usually say after Sex?

I Luv U?

Wrong!

That was great?

Wrong again!

I Luv it?

Aray Nahi Yaar....

Sahi Jawab Hai: Suno Meri BRA PANTY Kaha Rakhi Hai......... . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What is the height of poverty?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

When a girl is ready to get fucked for only 2 rupees....

and you have only 1 rupee!!!! ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Beta: Mummy Tum Roz Papa Pe Eharh ke Jump Kyu Marti Ho?

Mummy: PAPA Ke Pait Ki Hawa Nikalne K Liye

Beta: Kia Faida Baraber Wali Aunty Muun Se Phir Hawa Bhar Deti

Hai..... ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Sardar: Gand Main Dard Hay

DR: Main Hath Dalta Hon Batana Kaha Hain

Sardar: Andar Aur Andar, Aor Andar , Han Yahain

Dr : Dhosri K Tera To Gala Kharab Hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

If you want Suck the nipple of girl ,she always say why yours mother

and sister r not living in ur home .u say yes but there is not child

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Life Without fun , Sky Without Sun , Ten without One , warrior

Without Gun , Batsman without run, Is all Like a Man without LuN .

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

 Sourec : Adut Jokes

Non Veg Jokes

Yuhi hat se muth laga laga k mar jao ge

humne lund dekhaya tu dar jao ge

ek bar leker tu dekho lund hamara

bar bar ki lene ki zid pe arr jao ge....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Barish me Ladki ke gile boobs dekhkar

Boy: Apki headlight on ho gai hai..

Girl: Mera Bap bill bharega tumhe kya?

Boy: Par bijli ka Khamba to Mera Hil raha hai...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Aurat K 3 Karishmay!

1) Baghair Ghaass Khaye Doodh Deti Hai.

2) Baghair Daanton K Kaccha Gosht Khati Hai.

3) Baghair Lund K,

Mard Ki Gaand Maar Deti Hai....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Some Giggling Facts:

1: Fuck a girl & she'll love you, Love a girl & she'll fuck you!

2: Most men have split personalities; They hate cats but love pussies.

3: The words "naked" & "nude" are not the same. Naked implies unprotected & Nude means unclothed.

4: Men give love to get sex, Women give sex to get love.

5: Common thing between a girl's legs and butter: Both are delicious when spread...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

If your boss says

NOTHING is impossible.. .

Ask him to try and wear

a condom after sex...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

Love is not measured by hugging kissing n sex. Its all abt trusting, respecting n accepting a prson wid

OPEN LEGS CLOSED EYES, WET LIPS saying

"PUSH IT MORE"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

A Criminal Broke Into Bed Room ,Tied Up Husband & Wife ,

Kissed Wife's Ear & Went 2 Bathroom..

Husband: Satisfy Him Or He Will Kill Us ,Be Strong I LOVE YOU.

Wife: He Did't Kiss Me , He Whispered In My Ear That He's Gay ,Needs Vaseline I Told Him Its In The Bathroom . So Be Strong I Love U Too

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

Q. What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A. A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out. . . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack. . . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

Q. What is a Zebra?

A. 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra. . . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Q:

What is the difference between a woman

in church and a woman in a bathtub. . . ?

Ans:

One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her

hole. . . . ;->

Source : Adult Jokes

Adult Jokes Club

Getting Back ?

The courting couple were looking for somewhere private but the gates of the park had been locked for the night.

“Never mind,” said the boy, “if you stand on this (showing her his erect John Thomas) you’ll be able to get over the wall.”

“That may be so,” she replied, “but how will I get back?”

_______________________________________________

Crickets

The man parked the car in Lovers’ Lane and for a few moments the young couple just sat and listened to the countryside noises.

“Oh it’s lovely here,” enthused the girl. “I think I can even hear the crickets.”

“That’s not a cricket,” replied the man, “that’s a zip.”

_______________________________________________

VD or TB ?

A man met a beautiful girl in the pub and couldn’t believe his luck when she invited him back to her place. Very soon, they were upstairs, stripping off but just as he was about to throw himself at her she suddenly stopped and said,

“Oh, I should have told you, I went to the doctors today and he told me I had either VD or TB, but I can’t remember which.”

Even this news couldn’t dampen the man’s ardour. He rang up the girl’s doctor straight away.

“I’m sorry,” said the doctor. “I had two girls in today so I can’t remember.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed the man, “what shall I do?”

“Well chase her around the room a few times and if she starts to cough then go ahead and make love” came the reply.

_______________________________________________

Condolences

A widow of only a few months goes out on her first date since the death of her husband. They have a great evening but when he makes a move, she holds him back saying, “I can’t. I’m wearing black knickers because I’m still in mourning for my husband.”

They continue to date, although it never goes past a goodnight kiss at the end of the evening.

Then a few weeks later in the middle of a passionate embrace, he gets out a packet of black condoms.

“What are those for?” she asks.

“I’d like to give you my condolences!” he replies.

_______________________________________________

Alone

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned,” said the man in the confessional.

“What is it, my son?” came the reply.

“Well, last week I went round to my girlfriend’s flat but she wasn’t in. The only person there was her flat mate and we ended up having sex.”

“Oh dear,” replied the priest.

“And then a couple of days later, I popped round to my mate’s house but he’d gone down the pub. The only person there was his wife and we ended up having sex.”

“Oh dear,” remarked the priest again.

The man continued “So then last night, I went into the local pub and it was empty. Everyone had gone to watch the darts team playing away. There was only Mandy serving behind the bar so we ended up having sex. What shall I do?”

But there was no answer from the other side of the screen.

“Father, are you there?” demanded the man. No answer came, so he began looking for the priest and eventually found him hiding in the pews.

“What are you doing there?” he exclaimed.

“Well, I suddenly realised that you and I were alone together,” replied the priest.

Source : Adult Jokes

Funny Adult Jokes

Adult Jokes - SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS CAMPING WITH DR. WATSON…

Sherlock Holmes was camping with Dr. Watson…

…and Mr. Holmes turned to his assistant: Tell me, Watson, what do you see?

Watson was puzzled by the remark, but he looked up and said, “Stars. Millions and millions of them.”

Holmes responded: “I agree. And Dr. Watson, certainly you have picked up on many of my techniques of deduction. Can you deduce something from what you see here?”

Dr. Watson looked at Mr. Holmes and said, “Well, I’m not as good as you are, by any stretch, but why not. I deduce that from these millions of stars, there must be at least one planet not unlike ours which supports intelligent life. I deduce that the universe is vast beyond measure, and that all of humanity is naught but a speck in the grandness of the cosmos. I deduce that someday mankind will explore these uncharted realms and be basked in the greatness of the universe.”

Mr. Holmes nods through all of this. “Anything else you can deduce?”

Watson is a little taken aback, and responds “Is there something that comes to mind for you?”

Holmes turns to his assistant, looks him dead in the eye, and states: “Watson you dunderhead; someone stole our tent.”

Source : Adult Jokes

Adult Jokes – Jokes Club

April Fool

The judge looked at the old woman and said, “Before I pass sentence, do you have anything to say in your defence?”

The old woman got to her feet and replied, “Yes, Your Honour. The evening that it happened, I was sitting quietly on my porch when this beautiful young man came up to me and started to kiss my hand. Then he kissed my face and began rubbing himself up against me. He put his hands underneath my blouse and fondled my breasts. It was so wonderful, I opened my legs, Your Honour, and asked him to go all the way.”

The old woman shook her head sadly as she remembered that evening. She continued, “That’s when he laughed and said April Fool! So I picked up my rifle and shot him.”

___________________________________________

Rusty Weapon

“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man. “Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?”

“Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do you have sex?”

“About 5 times a year.”

“Well, there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.”

___________________________________________

Superman

“Will the defendant please rise,” said the judge. “Madam, you have been found guilty of killing your husband by pushing him off a 10-storey balcony. Before I pass sentence, is there anything you would  like to say?”

“Yes, Your Honour,” said the 84-year-old woman.

“When I came home and found my husband in bed with another woman I guessed that if he could make love aged 96 years old, he could also fly.”

___________________________________________

Faith

The couple had been out on their first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled with her clothes, she said,

“You know I’m not that sort of girl really.”

“I know,” he replied, somewhat distracted. The girl burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked looking alarmed.

“You… You’re the first one,” she sobbed.

“What? The first one to make love to you?”

“No, the first one to believe I’m not that kind of girl,” she replied.

___________________________________________

Faith

The couple had been out on their first date and finished the evening back at her place in bed. As he struggled with her clothes, she said,

“You know I’m not that sort of girl really.”

“I know,” he replied, somewhat distracted. The girl burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked looking alarmed.

“You… You’re the first one,” she sobbed.

“What? The first one to make love to you?”

“No, the first one to believe I’m not that kind of girl,” she replied.

___________________________________________

Promise

A young couple were parked in Lovers Lane and after a bout of heavy petting, the boy whispered urgently.

“Go on Cath, let me put it in.”

“Oh no”, she replied, “We said we’d wait until we were married.”

“Well just a little” he gasped “let me just put the head in to see what it’s like.”

She finally agreed but as soon as he began, he got carried away and thrust as far as he could go, in and out frantically.

“Oh George!” exclaimed the girl, “I can’t wait, I can’t wait, put it all in, please!”

George thought quickly and replied, “Oh no Cath, we can’t, remember our promise...”

Source : Adult Jokes

Best Funny Adult Jokes

Best Funny Adult Jokes

NAUGHTY SMS

Teacher: why are you late?

Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.

Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it?

Student: No, only BULL can do it.

_____________________________________________

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)

_____________________________________________

Hair oil ki ad mein hair dikhate hain, Skin cream ki ad mein Skin, Toothpaste me Teeth, Footwears me Feet, par WHISPER ki ad mein kuch nahi dikhate????

Jaago Grahak Jaago!

_____________________________________________

A notice in a factory for girl workers.

"If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work.. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work"

_____________________________________________

Press down.

down more

deeper

more

YES

ahh

ohh

yes

Almost there!

ooh baby

faster

harder

FEEL GOOD?

mmmm

THAT'S TEXTUAL INTERCOURSE

_____________________________________________

( ')

/ / in love !

/ /

( ) )

, ( ') engaged

/ , '

( ) )

married

, - - .

( ) )'(, )

_____________________________________________

Please

( ) press down!

( ) )

( ')

/ /

( ) ) oh yeah !!!

( ')'.:,".;.

/ / ';".',,'

/ / ooohhh

( ) ) baby ur good!

_____________________________________________

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

_____________________________________________

A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.

Source : Adult Jokes

GREAT COLLECTION OF SOME FUNNIEST ONE-LINER Adult JOKES

If I’m being subjective, I’d say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I’m being completely objective…

I’d say it’s Doctor Whom.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief?

He had loco motives.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

An Irishman walks out of a bar

I’m sure he was just looking for the toilet.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys?

Coach.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

My doctor asked if I drink to excess.

I told him I’ll drink to anything.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

Damn girl, did you fall from heaven?

Cause you’re Satan.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’ll hate it as an adult.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

My wife likes to talk to me after sex…

It’s great, I’ve got a special ringtone set up and everything.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

There’s only one problem with North Korea’s miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

What part of New York has the most feminists?

Manhatin’

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver?

Because she was a woman.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

I was reading in the paper today…

About this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

Whats the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

Attire.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

Source : Adult Jokes

Hindi Adult Jokes

Wife To Husband: Agr Dunya Sirf 30 Minutes Me Khatam Ho Rahi Ho

Tou Tum KIa Karna Chahoge..... ??

Husband: Offcourse "SEX"....!!!

Wife: Aur Baqi 29 Minutes..... .... ??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Santa comes bleeding. Banta: What happened?

Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.

Banta: Didn't u hv anything in ur hands?

Santa: I had.

Banta: What?

Santa: His wife's boobs!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lecturer in a medical college class: Man's semen contains glucose.

One of the female students had doubt and she asks: Then why it

doesn't taste sweet?

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Thought for the happy life: Patni agar pati ko naukar samjhe to pati

ko kya karna chahiye?

Zyada kuchh nahi... do char ghar aur pakad Lene chahiye!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Newly Married Couple Seeking Divorce...

Judge asks Lady "Why do you want divorce?"

Lady: Despite Knowin That I'm Vegetarian, He Forces Ne To Put Meat In My Mouth!!" ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What do woman usually say after Sex?

I Luv U?

Wrong!

That was great?

Wrong again!

I Luv it?

Aray Nahi Yaar....

Sahi Jawab Hai: Suno Meri BRA PANTY Kaha Rakhi Hai......... . ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

What is the height of poverty?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

When a girl is ready to get fucked for only 2 rupees....

and you have only 1 rupee!!!! ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Beta: Mummy Tum Roz Papa Pe Eharh ke Jump Kyu Marti Ho?

Mummy: PAPA Ke Pait Ki Hawa Nikalne K Liye

Beta: Kia Faida Baraber Wali Aunty Muun Se Phir Hawa Bhar Deti

Hai..... ;->

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Sardar: Gand Main Dard Hay

DR: Main Hath Dalta Hon Batana Kaha Hain

Sardar: Andar Aur Andar, Aor Andar , Han Yahain

Dr : Dhosri K Tera To Gala Kharab Hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

If you want Suck the nipple of girl ,she always say why yours mother

and sister r not living in ur home .u say yes but there is not child

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Life Without fun , Sky Without Sun , Ten without One , warrior

Without Gun , Batsman without run, Is all Like a Man without LuN .

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Advantages of breast milk?

A) No need to boil.

B) Cat can't steal it.

C) Available in attractive containers.

D) Popular in all age groups.

E) Ek Pee Ek Free

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Gabar se ronay ki wajah poochi.....usne kaha MAA ne danta hai....

MAA se poocha tau kehti hai.... MUJH SE POOCTA HAI KITNAY AADMI

THAY..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A 50 years old man during fucking an old woman of 90,starts suckung

her breasts,after 10 min the man got died,police came and make

postmartum report,in report it was written that the milk was

xpired.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A bio teacher was telling her students that for the best

penetrations 6-7" PENIS IS best.ONE OF THE GIRL ASKD HER tht wht abt

9" .teacher said i m telling abt NECESSITY not LUXURY

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Man marries a deaf gal.he mimes,lets make a code! if i want sex i'll

squeeze ur breast,in responce u can pull my penis once for YES and

50 times for NO. ;)

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

ladki boli 200 loongi,HIL HIL k maza du gi...ladka bola 100 doonga

HIL mein khud lu ga..ladki boli to phir ye 100 bhi bacha le aur hath

se HILA le

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A LADY GOES TO POLICE STATION AND LODGES A COMPLAINT:INSPECTOR

SAHAB:AIK NAY MAIRAY BOOBS DABAYE.AIK NAY MAIRI GAAND MARI.AIK NAY

MUJHAY CHODA.AIK NAY MUJHAY CHOOMA.

INSPECTOR:BAS KAR.F.I.R LIKHWA RAHI HAI YA LUN KHARA KAR RAHI HAI!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A Girl visit for a urione test. By mistake her reports change.

Dr says her. U r pregnent.

Girls reply. Oh God Ab tu ungali ka b Barosa nahi raha

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

what PEPSI stands for

P=please

E=enter

P=penis

S=slowly

I=inside

hahahah

yeh dil magay more

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Women top 7 lies:

1: I love you

2: I am virgin

3: I hate sex

4: You are the first one touching me

5: Oh its too big? How wld it go inside?

6: I hate sucking

7: Alright - but u wld do it only once!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

2 girls returning 4m movie,

1st: Mera purse chori ho gaya.

2nd: Per tu to bra mein rakhti thi.

1st: Mujhe kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka, Yeh waqt hai baccha hone ka.

Uss waqt kyon nahin royee thi, Jab chipak ke soyee thi.

Ab jo kiya hai woh bharo, Tab to kehti thi aur karo, aur

karo........

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Arz kiya hai.. College se nikalte hi kitab sine se laga leti ho!

Hum kya mar gaye jo khud hi dabaa leti ho!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

8 boy caught in RAPE case. lady lawyer holds his penis & says; kya

yeh bacha rape kar saktah hai?

Boy says silently: hila mat werna case haar jai GEE

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Janeman mujhe mar dalo ..

zara meri pant ki jaab mai haath dalo...

lamba lage to kaat dalo......

mota laaga tu chaat daloo....

acha laga tu apni gand main dalo...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

A man phoned and asked,'221714' ?

Lady: Pls urdu mein bolo,

Man: Do- Do-Ek-Sath-Choda ?

Lady: "Nahein sir, ghalt kaha! yeah Teen-Teen-Ek- Sath-Choda hai"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I

can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis,

I will have it enlarged.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Lady to man: why you always keep condom & taveez together in your

wallet. Man: bhoot aur choot ka koi pata nahi kabhi bhi mil jaye.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

larka;dil karta hai tere zulfon mein kho jaoon...teri bahon mein

jhull jaoonn....teri anchal mein soo jaoonnn

larki;tou neechey kia muhaley wale ghuseinge

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Source :  Adult Jokes

Non Veg. Adult Jokes Part - 1

Chahta Hoon Tujhe Pyar Doon

Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Waar Doon

Par Jab Tera koi REPLY Nahi Milta To

Dil Kerta Hy Teri G@ND Pe Goli Maar Doo......... ......... ........

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Father & son went to medical store Father buys pack of condoms

Son: Whats this?

Father: Its medicine for killing rats

Son: O bhenchod!

Ch00t mein bhi choohe..!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Manmohan America gaye..>>BUSH se bole,raat ko maal bhejo..! >>Bush:16 saal ki ya 20 ki..?Manmohan: 65 ki bhejo,hum America ki beti nahi maa ch0dne aye hain..!!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Husband: Tum meri kis cheez se sabse zyada impress ho..?

Life Style,.

Car,.

Bank Balance.?

Biwi: Tumhare Sexx se..,tumhara jaisa Sexx mohalle me kisi ko nahi aata..!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?

Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Ye ladkiya b kitni chalaak hoti he,apna 16 rupye litre wala DUDH ka lalach dekar hamara 180 rupye kilo wala GHEE nikal leti hai..!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

16 sundria Swiming pool me naha rahi thi, achanak . . Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya ! Pucho kyun ? Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal"Gilepan ki chhutti..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Girl to boyfrnd-Dear, do u know apki lulli duniya ki sabse badi lulli hai??

boy-Achcha,

Girl-kyun ki,iske baad lund ki catagari hoti hai

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

newly married husbnd to wife at his in-laws home- chalo darlin aaj sex karte hai....!!!

wife- nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai...!!

husbnd- to kya mere hi baap ne randi khana khol rakha hai????

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

ghalib na fermaya : koi saheli na mili to na sahi , tere jesa dost tu mil gaya

WAH WAH

chalo choot na mili tu na sahi .. tere jesa chootiya tu mil gaya

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Aftr marriage couple in bed

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She:0h!dat feels gud.

hand moves 2 her breast.

She:Honey,dats wonderful.

hand moves 2 her leg.

She:0h honey dnt stop.

He stops.

She:Why did u stop?

He: Coz I found d remote!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Ultimate thought:

Failure is not when ur girlfrand leaves u,

its only when u leave her..

.....virgin

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

On first night

Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai!

Husband slaped his wife and said

kya mere lund par aata laga hai

jo tera upwas toot jayega

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Kisi condom company ne world-cup ko sponser kiya hota to uski advt me aise likh

te....

Cover your STUMP.

Before you PUMP

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Responses during sex_

a) GIRLFRIEND - Wow darling, this is gr8...

b) PROSTITUTE - Come on.. finish it now..

c) WIFE - I think d ceiling needs painting....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Source : Adult Jokes